I Will Be Healed

I sit and watch an elder couple slowly walking, hand hand, probably in their late sixties or seventies, and I wonder if I will ever walk so with my wife? 

It is fall, and as I watch the changing leaves blow in assorted colors, I wonder will I see another spring, another fall?

I wonder if I will see the growth and marriage of my children, or watch the first struggling steps of my grandchildren?

There are no givens in life, no timetable as to when this life ends and the next begins, but the reality of my current disease is that I will not. I pray to God and I pray to Jesus and Mary for this cancer to be gone, so that I may be here to see such things and to humbly work as a servant to God, and I believe strongly that it will happen; but it is up to God, whatever his will is, it will be done.

I pray for healing many times a day. My entire family prays daily for my healing. So many of my coworkers openly tell me that they pray for me. People I do not know, who learn o my struggle, have told me they pray for me. I know friends and family have placed me on prayer chains throughout the country, an people pray for me that I might be healed. I am so blessed that so many would ask for intercession from the Lord on my behalf. That alone has brought so much healing.

I will be healed. It may not be today or tomorrow, or next week or next year. It may never be in this lifetime.  

I have cancer. It does not and will not affect who I am. It will not change my faith, no matter what happens. It cannot take my soul, for only God can have that of me.

I believe with all my heart that God is with me, and that Jesus will show his love to me and I will survive this cancer so that I may grow old with my wife; so I can be a father to my children and watch them grow up. I will always believe. Even if it is cancer that finally claims this body, I will always hold faith and know that I will be healed. 

If I am not to be healed in this life, I will be healed in the next. I will be granted life everlasting because of our savior Jesus Christ, who died for our sins so that we may live again. I believe because I ask for forgiveness for my sins and work always to be a better person under the teachings of God. If I am to go to the next life to be healed, in that perfect place I will be made whole again, and I will be a humble servant of God. I will be healed.

Even as I face this battle here on Earth, I am healed. There is more than physical healing. I am not perfect. I have sinned, we all do. We each try to do our best and sometimes we are weak, no matter how strong our intent, no matter how devoted we are to our faith. That is the way of man. That is why God forgives and Jesus died. Yet as I walk this road, one that could lead to my early death, my spirit and soul are being healed. Each day I contemplate the teaching of the Lord, and I pray to God. Each day my faith becomes stronger, my doubts fewer, and my soul is healed.

There is more than one kind of healing. I am thankful for the healing of my faith, and I pray for all those who pray for me. I pray for the healing of my body. I am content with the understanding that whatever happens, I must accept the will of God, and whatever decision he makes. We are his servants, and he will decide what is to be our fate. God will be with me, and I will be healed.

October 7, 2004 ~ Faith, Healing and God